Making choices

In the last few months, I have made some big choices in my life which has surprised some people..
But these decisions have been on my mind for a while now..it is only in the last few months I have decided to take the steps needed to make these choices...

One of those choices has been for me to wear the hijab...My decision to wear it has been something I've wanted to do for a while. My past is not a perfect one..I have made some mistakes in my life and there was a period in my life where I thought Allah was punishing me for what I had done--All that I can try to do is repent to Allah and May He have mercy on me.

In the last few years, I have gone through a transition where I have tried to rediscover my faith.
Alhamdulillah through meeting, listening and talking to people who have the same concerns as me, I have built my faith around the love for the religion rather than the fear of the religion.
I may continue to make mistakes but Insya-Allah I'll have the strength to strive to do what is right.

When people saw me wearing the hijab for the first time people asked why? For those who do not know me well wondered: Did I just come back frm umrah?--Did my parents ask me to wear it? Was I getting married?
All of these assumptions did not happen....For me, it has been a gradual process that had started from the inside of my heart and wearing it is a symbol of how I feel inside.

So what were the key factors that led to me to wear it? It started with simple actions as trying to pray regularly, listening to Suhaib webb's wonderful audio on Mother of the Believers to being close to nature like visiting the Saharan desert in Morocco. To watch the vastness of the desert, praying at night in the desert, watching the stars glistening on a clear night with the full moon in the background and seeing the sun rise beyond the horizon were just a fewof the experiences where I truly felt Allah's greatness...
Also, there have been events that have happened in my life where I have questioned people who say they are alim people but their actions say differently and I do not want to be those types of people.

Ramadhan this year has been full of meaning for me...prayer is a wonderful thing where you feel you are able to connect with Allah and from there your iman translates into actions in your daily life. I started to read the Quran regularly and more importantly trying to understand its translation.
Unfortunately, there are people out there who view Quran as only a symbol which once you khatam qur'an once you don't have to go back to it again, something that you read during a funeral (like reciting the Surah Yaasin) or when you get married and you only read it during Ramadhan. I used to think like those people but I realised that the beauty of the Quran is so much more than that.

If you start to just take a section at a time once a day and start understanding the meaning behind the surahs you start to realise how wonderful the Quran is and its messages should be embedded in our daily lives. The challenge, however, its all good having knowledge but if your knowledge doesn't turn into correct actions and conducted in the right adab...the knowledge is useless.

I also started to listen about the life of Prophet Muhammad s.a.w , his companions and his wives. Suhaib Webb's lectures has been truly inspiring for me- I used to think companions of the Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. and his wives were these perfect people. They never made mistakes and were these ideal Muslims but when I started to listen about their stories and struggles I realised these people were human beings like you and I. They made mistakes and went through the same emotions and struggles in their daily lives as we did but it was their iman and their true understanding of the Quran that they became the best of people and should be role models for us.

When I heard these stories, I tried to related the stories to what is going on in my life. I realised that if they could overcome their struggles what is stopping me? And so, the hijab is a symbol of what I'm striving for. I started wearing it in the last few weeks when I was in KL..I didn't tell anyone not even my parents. One day I came down wearing the hijab and said this is what I wanted to do and alhamdulillah they were happy for me. For those sisters who are thinking of wearing it, if you are doubtful about wearing it do not do it out of force...wearing hijab should be something that comes from within.

People's reactions to me wearing hijab have been varied..Some have been happy for me alhamdulillah, others have been more sceptical but to those who are sceptical it may be due to their own insecurities..For me,my decision is sincere and I am doing it for Allah.

I did have doubts initially upon returning to UK whether I woud wear it at work. I wondered that what would my work colleagues think if I wore it and whether I should wear it. But then I thought if wearing hijab is something that I'm doing sincerely and it is for my love of Allah insya-allah Allah will make things easier for me in this transition.

And syukur alhamdulillah, people at work have been receptive in me wearing the hijab. Of course people are always going to ask questions and some of my colleagues didn't even recognise me but I think people in the UK are tolerant people and if your actions are with the sincerest intentions then people will see you for those good actions.

Wearing the hijab comes with it responsibilities, I am always reminded on how my adab and daily conduct should be and I hope Allah will try to keep me in the right path...

It is nice travelling on the tube and when you see another fellow Muslim sister wearing the hijab by just smiling to her--both of us have a connection without us even knowing who we are or what we did...the Muslim bond is truly a strong one that overcomes race, background or nationality.

I am not here to preach or start going on a campaign to get everyone wearing the hijab but my reason for this post is to share with you my experience wearing it and hopefully continue wearing it for as long as I live and trying to follow the message of the Quran and the Sunnah of prophet Muhammad s.a.w.