Same same but different

This issue has been on my mind for a while but I've never had the opportunity to write it down...

Most of the time , I feel blessed to have the type of upbringing I've had but throughout my life I felt I never quite fit in.

I've always led a nomadic lifestyle ever since I was born-constantly moving from place to place following my dad.

I moved to Rhode Island in the US when I was 7 where I started my kindergarden education. That was the first of many occasions where I experienced being the only Malay girl in a foreign environment having to adjust to new people and new surroundings. I still remember that first day in school where I stood up in front of the class and introduced myself as "Hi, I'm Wati from Malaysia". I could sense most people in my class didn't have a clue where Malaysia was and why my name sounded so weird...
I'm not complaining for the opportunity living in America since my memory of Rhode Island were of happy times.I was lucky to visit places like the White House, Niagara Falls, Disneyland and many others with my family.

After a year in the US , we went back to Malaysia where I stayed in KL for a short while. I attended school at my aunt's primary school in PJ. I experienced culture shock -I cried at my first day at school because I hated the state and smell of the toilets in the school-(it sounds so petty now that I think of it)
In the next few months, my brother and I went for home tuition classes at my aunt's house in PJ but as soon as I was settling down in the school it was time to move again to Sitiawan in Perak. I attended an all girl's convent school but moved to a mixed school as my parents thought it was a better school. My childhood friend I can remember at the time was Ayu- we hung out and played around the neighbourhood. Fun memories but after about a year it was yet time to move again-back to KL.

There, I met other kids in a similar situation as me staying in the armed forces headquarters (MINDEF) and attended Bukit Bintang Girls School (BBGS). I made friends there but I never really had the chance to settle into the school as it was only a few months before the whole family was posted to Glasgow, UK.

If someone were to ask me whether I had close childhoods friends back then-I would probably say no because I never really had the chance to know people long enough to develop that close friendship bond.

Reflecting back on my time in Scotland-it was of fun times most of the time where I had neighbourhood friends who also went to the same school as I did. We were close especially Pat, Vanita, Gemma and I. But, deep down I felt an outsider. I wasn't British and my parents were traditional in my upbringing in that I wasn't allowed to stay up late going clubbing and drinking which were pretty normal in those days for teenagers growing up in the UK.(but saying that I'm sure Malaysia probably has the same teenage scene nowadays-I guess I just had a protective childhood back then)

When I moved to do my A-levels in Edinburgh, I was (again) the only Malay (muslim) girl in the whole boarding school. I made some good friends there but again I always felt I was missing out on knowing what being a Malaysian really is. I often described Malaysia as a wonderful place but did I actually have the right and the knowledge to really know what being a Malaysian really is?

Throughout my childhood when my dad was posted in Glasgow, I rarely went back to Malaysia -maybe once every two years. Even then, it was only during the school summer holidays and stayed with my aunt and spent time with my cousins. It never felt like I really knew Malaysia except for doing the touristy things.

I chose to continue my uni education in London-maybe it was fate but I was blessed to stay in the uni halls where my flatmate was a Malaysian- I met more Malaysians through her,my uni course as well as joining the usual Malaysian clubs. It was an eye opener for me because I never really had proper Malaysian friends before this. My three years at university were the most enjoyable time of my life so far. I felt independent travelling around Europe and learning to live with other people.

My first proper relationship was at university and people found it surprising that I was going out with a Malay. People assumed that I would go out with a Mat Salleh but I was never really interested with British guys-I think the culture gap was too big for me. However, I do understand why Western guys can seem appealing at times as some Malay guys can be insensitive jerks at times (but then aren't men like that anyways at times irrelevant of which ethnic origin they are from?)

Post graduation: due to the work climate at the time I took a year out to go home to Malaysia while trying to get chartered training back here in London.
My year in Malaysia was long overdue-for the first time in my life I was able to spend time in Malaysia for more than three weeks!
Initially, it felt like a holiday-I was able to spend time with my family and I also experienced working in Malaysia. I got a taste of the crazy working culture in Malaysia and met new people other than my uni friends.
I realised pretty quickly that there was still lots of things I didn't know about living in KL- let alone Malaysia.

Soon I felt suffocated-I was used to come and go as I please in London-stay out and meet whomever I wanted but back home it's more restrictive. I needed to account on where i was going, what time I was due to go back. It was like being back in school. I understood that it wasn't because my parents didn't trust me but they couldn't accept that I am no longer a kid and I needed my freedom. Compromise and tolerance was required from all of us in the family to make living bearable and I think towards the end we were close in reaching some sort of compromise.

In terms of my spiritual faith, there were things which I did in the past which i regretted but I tried to put that behind me and my inspiration Moez changed all that for me during that year I was in Malaysia. He inspired me to change my ways and become a better Muslim. I soon realised however, that there were other Malays who didn't understand this side of me. Trying to make your faith stronger should be a sign of a favourable trait in someone but I felt certain people found this off-putting and stereotyped you in a certain category.


When I moved back to London and started working life, I was lucky to have great workmates but there was always this barrier. British working culture revolves around the pub-it's a place where they socialise. We go to coffeehouses or mamak stalls to lepak but here people go straight to the pub on a friday evening. My workmates were understanding when I explain to them I don't drink but again it was difficult to fit into this working environment. At the beginning, I attended all the working drinks but as the years go by, there were times where I made excuses of why I didn't attend the leaving do's or made reasons of why I wanted to leave early.

I often wonder do I fit better in the life here or back home in Malaysia? Even at my current workplace, I am the only Malay girl in a large global firm. Throughout my whole life, I had to adjust in different environments and meeting new people but I can't help feeling when will I feel a sense of belonging?
Does the feeling ever exist? Is there any one out there who had a similar background to me?

I think most people go through life trying to discover their identity. When I read Barack Obama's book "Dreams of my father"-Obama went through life trying to discover his own identity as a mixed race American and fighting the prejudices of people (both black and white) and fighting for what he believed in. In the end,he just learnt to accept that he was who he is and proud of it.

I'm not comparing myself exactly to Obama per se, but what I'm trying to say is everyone goes through life with different background and different life experiences searching for that sense of identity.
Maybe I will never find that sense of identity-I keep on wondering...

I'm hoping whoever I settle down with Insya-allah will learn to accept that I am who I am. Is that too much to ask?

A nice break will always do you good......

It's been a week since I flew back to London..I was hesitant to fly back so soon but I tried to make the best out of the time I had in Malaysia.

I'm sorry to those of you that I didn't get to meet up...three weeks is way too short!
Insya-allah the next time you see me back in Malaysia I can be around for longer.....

For my last day in KL my mom and I treated ourselves to a day at the spa in Marriott Hotel Putrajaya. It was lovely being treated and pampered for the day and both of us looked and felt revitalised and refreshed!

My flight back to London had been cancelled that morning so I had to take the next flight out later in the afternoon on the same day but I wasn't complaining. In fact, it was a blessing in disguise because I could spend extra time in KL with the family.
Alhamdulillah, the flight went smoothly and I arrived back to sunny London on Sunday evening.

I went back to work the next day feeling revitalised from my break and motivated to do well. A trip back to Malaysia has enabled me to reassess my goals and by doing well in UK and passing this last hurdle I can settle for a better future back in Malaysia. I'm lucky to have a supportive family. I don't what I will do without them.....I just hope I don't disappoint them....

In a more light hearted note, met up with the London gang since I got back...exchanging stories and gossip on what has been happening whilst I was gone :)

We watched Transformers -the movie and I highly recommend it!! As a kid, I remembered my brother had a few of the robots but I don't really know much about the cartoon. The special effects in the movie were superb especially the last car chase scene of the movie with the F22 plane..if you haven't seen it yet definitely worth watching! Many have even gone back to see it again at the cinemas.....so believe the hype!

We also watched Hairspray which I wanted to watch ever since I saw the preview trailers...It is based on a musical set in the 1960s...the plot was pretty simple but I love the costumes and the music! Meem and I were tapping our feet throughout the movie and really felt like dancing in the cinema...hehe.....

The weekend was fun enjoying the sunshine by taking a walk in the park whilst enjoying a nice gelato.

Sabrina was in London so met up with the LSE gang at Nusa Dua (Indon restaurant). It was a nice restaurant but I couldn't help comparing it with Jakarta Restaurant which I think is still my favourite. We ended the night by heading to Ed's Diner for milkshake and waffles...yummy!

Last Sunday, Kak Nita introduced us to a new breakfast/brunch hangout place which has opened up in High St Kensington at Whole Foods Market which used to be the Barkers Arcade.

It is an organic market with a wide range of organic fruit,vegetables,fresh bread. They also cater for a wide range of healthy take out salads and seafood dishes. The unique thing about the place is there is an open seating food court. It is not like the typical foodcourt that we see in Malaysia but this food court has a 'lounge zone' feel to it with big sofas and seating areas for little groups to gather around and a place where everyone can meet up to chill out.

It gets really busy during lunchtime so I think it would be an ideal place for us to meet up for late breakfast/early brunch just before the rush of people arrive instead of going to the usual place like Nahar. :)

The boys Abg Nas & Hazeem wanted to watch the footie so we ended up watching it at Bobby's place. It was a relaxing but very HOT sunday..

I'm not complaining though cuz I am not looking forward to the autumn and winter weather approaching......

Birthday celebration

The family celebrated Liani's 23rd birthday at Itallianies in One Utama and had Nuqman & Naquib with us.


Kak Nor ordered some cute cupcakes for Mama's and Liani's joint celebration. It is a family friendly restaurant with a lively atmosphere. The little boys entertained themselves with big massive balloons courtesy of the restaurant whilst we enjoyed the lovely food.


So my sis is now steadily approaching the mid 20s mark..getting older lah u! Hahahaha :P

A night of celebration......

Last Friday my uncle a.k.a Ayahyus invited the Nik Clan to celebrate his Company's 15th Anniversary celebration. It was a fun night with a black & red dress theme code. Everyone dressed up following Kak Oleen's tagline "Dressed to Kill" !

We had Kak Oleen and Alex Choong as our MC for the night. The MC did a good job making everyone participate with the event for the night. The night was filled with an assortment of entertainment ranging from Michael Jackson impersonations, comedy from Leonard Tan (although I didn't find him THAT funny..not my cup of tea I'm afraid...), various theme music quizzes, best dressed competitions won by Azrai. I thought there should have been a category for best dressed boy cuz Naeem was the handsomest boy of the night. Even my mom participated and won a prize for rushing up on stage in guessing the Dallas theme song!


My highlight was seeing Amy from Search perform. I grew up listening to Search and Gersang rock songs mainly influenced by my bro who often had their songs on at home. He was as we say in Malay slang "very sporting" coming down stage to allow people to take photos with him while he was singing those classic Search songs. I would have liked to see him perform more songs but due to late running of the event he performed two songs only.


The other singer of the night was the lovely Misha Omar. A singer with an amazing powerful voice with a friendly attitude which was good to see. Abang Azmi was lucky enough to perform a duet with Misha. He was a bit nervous at the start but he got into it halfway through the song...hehehe...Abang Nizam recorded the song so we will keep it in our family's hall of fame...hahahahahaa..... :)


The night ended with Ayahyus emotional speech. As a family we all hope he will find happiness and contentment in life. It was a a joyous and enjoyable night of celebration...We look forward for the next milestone Ayahyus! :)

Back at home...

I'm finally back at home. I arrived early on Sunday morning.


I wasn't too jetlagged this time since I didn't really get much sleep the night before with my last minute packing and the last few weeks have been hectic to say the least!


Recent updates, I've had to move out of my flat in Bayswater to Edgware Rd. It wasn't out of choice but I was forced out by the landlord and there were certain mishandling of the whole situation by the estate agent. Anyone who has experience in renting will know that estate agents are the most insistent and persuasive people when you are looking for a flat but once you're a tenant their service are often not satisfactory to say the least! Maybe it was a blessing in disguise that I moved out of the place because the whole situation would've been a whole lot more messy if I found out when I came back from KL end of this month.


In the long term I've had to rethink my career options and long term plans ..the question everyone always asks when I go back "Bila nak balik for good??" . When I was younger I thought I had a plan...after uni , qualify for my CA and then work for a few years post qualification in London and then go back to Malaysia to settle down. But now, I'm done with planning ahead and having high expectations..."que sera sera"... I still want to do well... but maybe my time has not yet come..All i can do now is keep on trying and doing my best..


Well, hopefully this break can revitalise me...
I prefer the afternoon flight from London..arrived KL in the morning so didn't get a chance to sleep.
After having breakfast at home, I met my second nephew Naquib for the first time...a year old already! Time flies man!
This week I've been sorting out my admin things like sorting out my lost driving license and updating my passport which I can now use at the Autogate..yeay! No more queuing at the manual gate.
Renewing the licence was surprisingly straightforward, I had to pay RM20 as a fine for losing my licence and showed my IC with copies of my licence photos and hey presto a new driving licence just like that!


I went for my fitting for my fren's wedding...I hope it looks good...have to control what I eat now cuz can't put any more weight after the fitting took place. :P


I also checked out the Curve this week for the first time, I like the place..good choice of places to eat and near my house too so I think that will be my new hangout place... :)
Shopping has also been good although I have to stop using my credit card and converting in MYR! Definitely not a wise thing to do.....


Apart from that, spending time with the family, catching up on sleep and familiarising myself with the Malaysian traffic again with new roads & highways paying for tolls everywhere!

Missing you like crazy....

My sis in law recently uploaded pics of my 'lil nephews who are all grown up now...these pics are adorable!!! :)
Counting the days until I go home.........

My fav people

With some of my fav people, thanks for being there for me through the good and the bad times.... all of you have a special place in my heart...

Summer Update

Apologies for not updating for so long.......busy busy busy........ Since I last wrote my blog the World Cup had finished...my prediction for France to win did not come true...never mind...have to wait for another four years for the next one....

I attended my sister's graduation..my parents, aunty & uncle came over to stay with us..It was a simple affair but the venue was lovely..everyone got dressed up and the weather was great. My sis has specifically not allowed me to post up pics from her graduation...(the vain girl that she is! :p hehe ) We will have to wait until she develops the pics and find the best ones to be posted. I can't believe my little sis has graduated..time definitely flies...I feel sooo old!!

Whilst my family were here...we went summer sale shopping more specifically in Bicester..some good bargains! Next sale to look forward to will be the winter sales if I'm still in London.

During the last few weeks I've been caught up in the longest heatwave i can remember since I've lived in London...Temperatures have been ranging on average at 30 degrees celsius on a regular basis. It's lovely during the weekends but a nightmare travelling to work...tubes,trains and even buses have been a nightmare. Public transport are struggling to cope under the sweltering heat!! When will they put AC on the public transport??!!!

I've also managed to catch up on the movies recently. I watched Superman Returns & Pirates of the Carribean....Superman was alright...there was not much plot going on but i guess it was entertaining enough. If you're a Superman fan you might want to watch it for the special effects but there isn't much of a storyline there.

I think my fav Superman would have to be Christopher Reeves and a close 2nd would be Dean Cain. He was cute in the Superman series with Teri Hatcher as Lois Lane. I remembered watching it when I was a kid and always envious of Teri Hatcher's bob haircut at the time..lol

Pirates of the carribean is my fav movie so far....I love Jack Sparrow...he's hillarious...Some people have complained the story is too long but I enjoyed it. The special effects was amazing..there is a gripping storyline and the ending left you hanging to find out more in the next sequel..Can't wait when that comes out sometime next year.

Lastly, I've been flathunting for a place in London...I'm pretty fed up of moving at the moment..I think I've moved four times in my seven years I've been here in London. I look forward to the day when I will be shipping my stuff back home and flying back to Malaysia for good....

Well wish me luck in finding a place.....until then......

Updates...........

It's been a while since I've "blogged a proper post". What have I been up to?

hmmmm..let's see had my final exam last month which I'm not looking forward to getting the results which will be out soon.
The waiting game has started and I hate the sleepless nights. I see myself doing the paper again in November *sigh* To be honest I'm tired of auditing and the exams...in need of a change of career and a break. Maybe I'm just in one of these moaning moods. I hope I can get out of it.

Well, moving onto more cheerful thoughts. My mom had been staying with us for a month now..it's good to have home cooked food and someone at home waiting for u when u get back from work. A nice treat!

We went to Bicester in Oxfordshire, my mom got her usual stuff for my dad and bro and there were some amazing bargains at Monsoon! We've also been making shopping trips to Slough & London. My sis has been sweet to teman my mom to Oxford St while I attend the Sunday classes.

Last Saturday we went to my dad's friend's house Len & Marigold in Peaslake , Surrey. He lives in a lovely house in the countryside. On the way to his house the roads were winding and narrow but the views were amazing. My favourite was this long stretch road where the trees bend on both sides and create this arch effect. It reminded me of the scene in Sound of Music when the Captain comes back from his trip and sees his children climbing up the trees.

Len said the area is popular with the film studios. I can imagine the area would be great for filming period drama scenes. I love period dramas especially BBC's Pride & Prejudice, Oliver Twist and North & South are a few of my favourites.

Tonight I'm sending my mom to the airport as she will be flying back tonight. Insya-allah she'll be coming back in July with my dad for Liani's graudation in July. I will have to make a few decisions by then....hmmm I pray all will go well......

Part 2

Here goes for my trip back home part 2...

I celebrated Raya Haji with my bro and kak nor this year. My parents were doing their Hajj pilgrimage in Mecca..alhamdulillah they were safe and their Hajj went smoothly.
Usually during raya we would gather at Mamapam's place but this year Babah & Mamapam spent Raya at Babah's hometown in Perak. So it was a relatively quiet Raya..went to Kak Nor's relatives house and Che Kah's house.

Len ( my dad's friend) was in KL for a business trip with his partner Marigold. Since my parents weren't around my bro & i jadi wakil to meet up with them. My bro was tied up with work so I met up with Len & Marigold for dinner at Mandarin Oriental. The views from the restaurant was pretty but the food was probably a bit too posh for me...hehe I'm not used to all this fine dining stuff.

Marigold had lived in KL when she was a little girl as her father was part of the British High Commission during the critical time when Malaya (as it was called before Independence). She was reminiscing on her childhood in Malaysia.Her father was good friends with Tunku Abdul Rahman and Marigold was lucky enough to have met Tunku Abdul Rahman before he became our First Prime Minister in Malaysia. I was so impressed because she had met one of our great leaders in the country.

In my last weekend in KL, I attended one of my good friend's wedding Lini with Yana. Her akad nikah was on Friday at her home in PJ. Lini looked beautiful...berseri as a pengantin should be :) The akad nikah went well and Mizan only had to say his lafaz once which was impressive.

After Lini's place Yana decided to visit Meddy in Ampang. It was already pretty late by then.. but we decided what the heck we'll just go anyway. My sense of direction in KL is especially bad but luckily the roads were pretty much quiet late at night so we managed to get to Meddy's place with little trouble. It was good to catch up with Meddy and Shasha and we only left their place about 3am!!

Lini's wedding reception was held later on that night at Perdana Felda. Yana & I decided to go to Meddy's place and we got ready there. It was a beautiful reception and it was nice to catch up with friends there. Lini & Mizan looked lovely and they looked happy together..awwwww... :) I wish them Selamat Pengantin Baru and semoga bahagia hingga ke anak cucu......

On my last Sunday in KL, I met up with my friends for brunch..thanks guys for coming!

Then I went to Mamapam's place for Sunday lunch..Che Kah masak kerutuk daging and there were also other lovely dishes (too many to name) cooked by Che Kah & Mamapam...yummy!!! I'm definitely gonna miss all this back in UK.

Home is where the heart is

I miss waking up in my room in SB

I miss having breakfast with my dad and saying goodbye to him b4 he goes to work

I miss my little grey Kelisa

I miss not having to think about when I have to catch my next bus or train to work

I miss arguing with my mom over the most randomnest things

I miss my little squarrels with my sis

I miss lepaking at Hartamas and having the bestest mi rebus ever

I miss our family gatherings usually at PJ and how we always come up with any excuse for a makan2

I miss our friends gathering and catching up with the latest gossip over coffee/dinner

I miss the mamak stalls and having tose & teh tarik

I miss having brunch at FAM to have mi kari

I miss my kickboxing classes at Hartamas

I miss my chats with Kak nor

I miss being with the family especially since Nuqman arrived

I miss watching Korean/Japanese dramas on TV3

I miss going to Rahman Putra and going to the gym

Followed by a snack afterwards usually soya bean cincau and rojak buah :)

I miss not having to think about whether I should bring a jacket or an umbrella to go out

Home is definitely where the heart is.....................

My little nephew

Today my sis has finally emailed me a pic of little Nuqman and Ucop has also recently been kind enough to have taken some more pics of him. Kesian tengok Nuqman kena pakai all those tubes. The latest news is he is out of ICU now and hopefully will be able to go home soon! Alhamdulillah he is getting better and the doctors have done a good job :)

Aunty Wati will see u soon Nuqman....

Till then........................

Family update

Yesterday morning, there was a new addition to the CheNik clan: a baby boy called Mohd Izz Nuqman bin Mohd Razifuddin.
I got a text from Abang around 2am...I was so excited I called him straightaway.
When I talked to Abang on the phone, I think he was still overwhelmed with the idea that he is now a father.

My little nephew was actually due to come out on the 20th Aug but I guess dah tak sabar to join us kot....
Currently, Nuqman is in ICU because he caught a lung infection and is being monitored by doctors. All of us are worried right now and we pray Nuqman will get through this. I wish I was back home with the family at this moment in time...............

Tok Volvo 

A sad day

Today is a sad day for the family. I received a phone call today from home my tok passed away today. His health had deteriorated in the last few years due to old age but he remained strong right to the end. It is all takdir Allah "He is the one who gives life and also the one who can take it away."

I wish I was back home right now to be with the family. My thoughts and prayers are with everyone there.
I did not spend as much time as I would have liked to with Tok as I have been living abroad most of my life. Throughout the day, I was thinking of the time I spent with him.

When he was feeling energetic we would go for morning walks around the condo and get the morning newspapers. Sometimes, we would just sit kat rumah watching the Star Sports channel cuz he didn't get Astro in KT. Tok can watch any sport but his favourite would have to be bola. Suka sangat tengok bola especially Italian football.

He also taught me many things about the Qur'an. He was the one who inspired me to include the verse 35 of Surah An-Nur in the wedding speech. Everytime I read the verse, I discover a new dimension to the parable.

For those people who do not know why he was called Tok Volvo, I might tell the story behind his nickname for another day.

Tok "Volvo" will be greatly missed by all and may Allah bless him always.

Amin.

papa

Happy Father's Day

It was another working day and as I got on the train listening to my ipod ...

I started thinking about my dad and I've decided to dedicate this blog to him as part of Father's Day :

Papa

I've always admired him. He is my inspiration! ( corny but true! )
A kampung boy from Losong, he went to RMC and trained to be a Naval Officer and has served the Navy for more than 30 years now...
Even without going to university he has embraced life and made the best of the opportunities given to him.
He has sacrificed a lot for the family....he will sacrifice everything in order to give us all a good education and achieve our dreams.
If it weren't for him, I would not have had the chance to experience the various places we've been to and obtain the best education I could have asked for.

He has taught me many things in life:

a) "Never forget your religion and your culture "
b) "Always be humble "
c) " Dalam dunia ni memang ada dugaan....we treat these challenges as a test from God..it will make us stronger people"...
d) " Always be grateful with what you have "

We're very similar in character and I miss our conversations about politics, religion and life. He makes me want to suceed and do the best I can.
Whenever I'm feeling stressed or down with life, I think of his wise words and how much he has sacrificed for me...and I pick myself up again to face another day!

As any daughter would, I want him to be proud of me... so Happy Father's Day Papa!

If ever I feel down about stuff I often think of the chorus in Aaliyah's song -

"Try again "

Chorus:
If at first you don't succeed
Dust yourself off and try it again
You can dust it off and try it again

A great song to cheer yourself up again! :)