Watch What You Say

Recently, a few people have said some hurtful things to me and people that I care about but we do not want to make the situation worse so have kept ourselves quiet.

Some people have taken this reaction as us being 'scared' or 'guilty' which has upsetted me even more...

Maybe it was a 'sign' or mere coincidence but I was sent this hadith this week which sums up that if you haven't got anything better/productive to say or merely want to provoke a reaction from us then please don't bother to say anything at all.....and when we are 'silent' it doesn't mean we are 'scared' or 'guilty' but we do not want to make the situation worse by replying back in a hurtful manner...

Here is the hadith I was sent and would like to share it with you....

Abu Hurairah, radiyallahu 'anhu, reported that the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, said:
"Let whosoever believes in Allah and in the Last Day either speak good or be silent. Let whosoever believes in Allah and in the Last Day honour his neighbour. Let whosoever believes in Allah and in the Last Day honour his guest."
[Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

Background
This hadith contains the rulings concerning the tongue and the behaviour of Muslims towards others. It also emphasises that we are responsible for what we say.
Imam Haithami points out that this hadith is very similar in meaning to Hadith 13 that says: "None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself." He says that everyone is a neighbour to someone else. Therefore if this hadith is properly practiced and applied, then there will be a strong bond and love within the society or community.

Lessons
The responsibility of the Muslim regarding what he says is mentioned in the Qur'an:
"Not a word does he utter but there is a watcher by him ready to record it"
[Surah Qaf (50): ayat 18].
There are also other hadiths which state that the Muslim should be careful about what he says. His words can either, if they are pleasing to Allah, raise him to a higher level; or if his words displease Allah, they may cause him to be thrown into the Hellfire - as stated in a hadith recorded by Imam al-Bukhari. This shows that what we say can have a direct effect on whether it will benefit us or not.
One hadith (which illustrates the example of a bad consequence resulting from what a person says) states that the Prophet, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, said that a pious man from Bani Israel use to see his fellow man always committing sins. On day the pious man swore to the sinner: "By Allah, He will never forgive you." Allah was displeased with what the pious man said because only Allah knows what is our destiny, whether someone will end up in Paradise or Hell. Because of this, when the two men died, the pious man was punished and put into Hell and the sinner was forgiven by Allah. [Sunan Abu Daud]
What we can learn here is that either we say something beneficial and good or else we should keep silent.

There are many Islamic guidelines which help us to say good things and to refrain from saying bad things, or things which displeases Allah subhana wa ta'ala. When we talk to others, whether it is relatives, friends, neighbours, etc., we should select the best terms/words and say them in a nice way. We should ensure that what we say is clear and easily understood. If we are not careful and we do not choose the right words, what we say may be misinterpreted and may lead to conflicts.
As a listener, we have to listen positively and interpret what we hear in a good way. We should not 'over interpret' what we hear; we should not try to 'read between the lines'. Thus, as a speaker we say things in a positive manner and as a listener we interpret things in a positive manner. By doing so Islam encourages us to minimise disputes and conflicts.

If we find ourselves in the middle of a dispute between two people, e.g. between relatives, we should not take sides. We should try to help and reconcile the differences; try to resolve the problems and end the dispute.

If we are being consulted by someone and asked for our advice, we should try our best to give good advice. What we say should help the person and not add to his confusion or doubt. If we do not have enough knowledge and we cannot provide proper advice, then we should keep silent..
Even if we have information which, as a result, may add to the person's confusion, we should keep it to ourselves.


We should keep away as best as we can from unnecessary or non-beneficial talk. People can talk or chat for hours but a lot of what is said is unimportant or trivial and does not benefit anyone. It wastes our time and this continuous talking may even lead us into areas where we might say something which displeases Allah subhana wa ta'ala.


When it comes to saying good things, there are many examples available: dzikrullah (remembrance of Allah), reciting the Qur'an, du'a, giving advice, etc. These are all things which are pleasing to Allah.

When we meet people who are sick, sad, feeling down, in a low frame of mind, etc., we should say things that will make these people feel better, have patience in facing their calamity, be positive, be strong, etc. This is known as al-muasah - to say good things of encouragement to help those facing problems; to not make them panic. The scholars have defined sabr (patience) as 'to refrain from panicking' - to refrain from being out of control - and to refrain the tongue from complaining.
Complaining, e.g. simply saying that the weather is hot, will lead us to impatience; it can affect our attitude and hence our work. If we want to lament we should lament only with Allah. If we do it with Allah it is munajah - it will turn into ibadah. If we do it with others it will be complaining (tashakki) - we will be violating the ibadah itself, which is sabr. So we should learn to minimise and ultimately eliminate the act of complaining.


We should refrain from saying bad things or things which may be untrue. When we hear some news, we shouldn't simply repeat it or spread it without first verifying if the news is true. This could lead to us spreading lies or rumours. We must refrain from:
spreading rumours, especially those that will cause harm to the community.
slandering, back-biting, etc.
sarcasm and making fun of others - this is one of the most common social ills today. It is a sin to make fun of others.


Sometimes we may encounter a situation which involves fitnah or al-fitan. We have to be careful of what we say. There are people who will take advantage of the situation and they may say things which may worsen the situation. When there is fitnah, people are in a panic and might believe anything. That's why we have to be careful of what we say because it may add to the people's fears and problems. What we should do is to help by saying positive things that will give the people hope; to uplift them and motivate them to face the problems; and not to make it worse.