Missed Opportunity..Perhaps?

This current entry will be "Missed Opportunity..perhaps?"

I don't usually talk about my past relationships hence this entry will be vague... but those who know me well enough will know what I'm writing about. This blog helps me put down my thoughts and put things into perspective. When it comes to relationships some people say I'm choosy or too cautious-perhaps I am but when I was carefree I only ended up getting hurt..
To me relationships isn't something to be taken lightly. I'm not into having one night stands or short flings.

Coming back to the title of this entry:
When I went back home in June, I met HIM for the first time. I've been hearing a lot about HIM in the last year and I wasn't too sure whether he would be my type. I was pleasantly surprised..proper gentleman with a sense of adventure although a bit of a mummy's boy kot.

Nevertheless , I thought not bad...I believe the way someone treats their mother is reflective on how he will treat his wife..insya-allah. What I would probably wanted to find out more would be whether he is a good Muslim-even someone with a good character kalau tak practice then I'm not interested. But all that takes time which I do not have considering how far apart we were...
We had a lot in common but in the conversation I found out he was seeing someone already. Missed opportunity..damn! Even if I wanted to keep in touch with him distance between Malaysia and London is too long...

When I went back again for puasa, I met HIM again and I met the girlfriend-I was a bit taken aback-she was SO similar to me it was surreal.
I acted cool as I always do and secretly I didn't want to like her but we actually got on. I wondered if I had come back home to settle down earlier that could've been me with HIM instead of her? I don't know whether we would've got together but there could have been a chance..
Jodoh itu Allah yang tentukan...

There are a lot of things I've enjoyed being in London but sometimes I feel like my relationships have suffered because I've been here too long. I know people say you don't know where your jodoh will be but I think it is very unlikely I will find it here.

Perhaps another opportunity will come...I hope so 2010...

Random thoughts

I am writing yet again waiting for my flight to london. It seems like the only time I have these days in updating this blog is at the airport. Just a few random thoughts I have going through my mind...

1. Since I started my new job I've been lucky enough to work in the Middle East- the work has been challenging but interesting. My new workmates are nice enough and as a newbie I am trying to fit into the crowd but what I like in the company is that diversity in the workplace is accepted and actually is seen to be working...well so far anyways....

2.After my assignment I went back to Malaysia to spend Ramadhan back home. It was my second trip back home this year which is a rarity-Since it was Ramadhan I wanted to be at home more but I still met up with my peeps-thanks for taking time out to see me. :)

I'm a bit worried about my parents and where we are staying at the moment. Everyday we hear of news about people breaking into houses and more worryingly killing residents in order to get a few valuable things in innocent people's homes. We already had a group of workers breaking into our house in Sg Buloh already earlier this year. There were about four of them breaking into our house early in the morning as soon as we had switched the alarm off in order to open the windows in the morning. My parents were in Penang at the time but the criminals tied up our maid and my dad's stewards at the time. They crashed our house but didnt manage to take anything valuable since we don't keep anything majorly valuable in the house. Fortunately, the maid and the stewards were released and managed to escape. The criminals fled the house with some of our things but alhamdulillah no one was hurt. But I can't help wondeirng if we're not so lucky next time....

What the criminals didn't know was that their criminal act had been caught in our CCTV security camera which was passed to the police but no one has been caught just yet.

There have been more break in cases in my area and all we can do at the moment is take as many safety precautions as we can like: installing alarms, barbed wire round the house and securty cameras.

This is not a rare case because it is happening everywhere around Malaysia. We have become very wary of people and strangers passing by the house in case they might be monitoring what goes on at our home and when to strike...There are security guards patrolling the area but sometimes even some of the secutry guards are in on the act. Who can we trust nowadays??

3. Lastly I am worried about the way Malaysia is heading at the moment...Malaysia is going through political change as well as coping with the global financial crisis: What I think is sad are the politicians are bickering away on who wants political power and parties talking about having a handover of government. This is all happening at the cost of the Malaysian taxpayers. I wonder when we will see the politicans stop playing their games and actually start getting on in addressing the concerns of the people e.g. the rising cost of inflation, how Malaysia is going to minimise the effects of the global financial crisis and addressing the social problem of immigration in Malaysia.

Someone should be 'man' enough to put a stop to all this bickering and actually get on with the real job in hand....
I wonder who it will be ..if it ever happens....

We are the same...everywhere..

As I am sitting here in the airport lounge in the Middle East waiting for my next destination-I decided to watch Queen Rania's you tube vidoes in addressing some of the stereotypes and misconceptions of the Arab world...
This was a project which she set up for five months from April 2008-Aug 2008 whereby You Tube users all over the world could send in questions about the Arab world covering topics like terrorism and rights of Arab women.
I admire what she is trying to do and using technology as a means to reach people..

There should be more people like that in the world...

Let's all try to beat stereotypes and misconceptions about Islam.
Here is a clip which I found truly touching: enjoy!

Spirituality

It's been a while since the last update: I've been going through changes both personally and career-wise. I'm not in the mood to talk about it here. Instead I want to write about spirituality and what it means to me....

As a Muslim-spirituality is part of how I lead my life. I was discussing the issue of spirituality and the idea of having religious beliefs with a colleague of mine who is a fellow aetheist.

He was intrigued on what made me do the things I do e.g.

1. Why do I not drink?
I said to him it is because in the Qur'an it said that we should stop drinking when it exceeds our tolerance level. For me, I don't know when I will become intoxicated so rather than getting drunk I do not drink at all. He found that difficult to understand because to him a glass of beer won't make me drunk. In this case, we agreed to disagree.

2. Why do I not eat pork?
Again, in the Qur'an we are banned from pork. Even strict Jews do not eat pork. Pigs are known to be the most unhygienic animal in the world. We can eat a medium rare beefsteak but you can't do the same with bacon if it's not cooked properly. Before refrigerators existed, it was practical to avoid eating pork altogether and we as Muslims have avoided eating it altogether until this day.

3. Why do I pray?
I pray when things are good and when things are bad. Apart from the five daily prayers,we can say a little prayer at any time of the day i.e. before we go to bed or the first thing we do when we wake up. I think praying is a form of spirituality which as corny as this might sounds connects us to God.But this is soo true...

My colleague admitted to me that although he is an aetheist: he prays. I asked him how does he do it. He said if he wishes for something , there is something in his subconsciousness which makes him connect to something he can't explain. I said to him what he did is a form of praying.The difference is when I pray it is to Allah.

He said that religion is good for the soul because it provides a structure and purpose in one's life. He compared his experience growing up without any religious beliefs-at times he feels lost and is still wondering why are we on this world.

For me: Islam provides a way of life for me...it is up to me whether I choose to follow it...I know I'm not a perfect Muslim but the beauty of this religion is it allows us to evolve and improve our wellbeing as we go through this journey called life...

I'm glad I was born a Muslim because the teachings and its ideals allows me to have a purpose in this life and the Hereafter...I am not a preacher nor would I call myself an expert in religion but at least I have a set of principles that I can follow in times of need and guidance.

I do hope my colleague will continue his spiritual journey for the truth....May he find it...I think I have...

A fresh start...

After four and a half years I finally took the leap to leave HCW for new pastures... I had been thinking of leaving audit ever since I had completed my three years practical experience but the relaxed work environment and the friends I had made in my old firm held me back from leaving. However after a certain point in time I had to think about my future and my plans of where I wanted to be therefore I decided to take the leap to find a new job.

Changing jobs is always a risky business especially in the ever competitive global environment we find ourselves but alhamdulillah I will be starting a new adventure and new challenges... HCW has been fun especially the fellow trainees who some of them will be friends I will have for life...

I had my leaving drinks at the Patch Bar. Although I wasn't drinking it was a fun night! The Patch bar is a "bar come club" type place...and spacious downstairs so there is plenty of room for people to boogie the night away with a variety of music which can fit to everyone's taste.... :) I stayed to the end which is rare for me but I'm glad I stayed to the end ..Thanks Mr M and d rest of the HCW crew for looking after me and making sure I had a fun night... :P
Gonna miss y'all especially those up on the 5th floor...you know who u are...

Granada-Espana May 2008

May Bank holiday weekend Destination: Granada, Espana

In order to escape the depressing wet UK bank holiday weather: I escaped with three other girls (my sis included) to Granada which is part of the Andalucian region in southern Spain. We started our journey on Saturday morning flying with BA which has to be the most inefficient self check in service I have experienced. Their airline service wasn't that great either: I don't think they have really understood what it means service with a smile. It is no surprise Malaysian Airlines & Singapore Airlines have been voted one of the best airline staff in the world when we see the standard of other airlines. After a stopover in Madrid for an hr we arrived in Granada in the evening. Fortunately due to the summer weather the sun was still shining down brightly on us when we arrived.

The airport was situated as if it was in the middle of the desert overlooking the Sierra Nevada mountains...breathtaking views...;) In order to reach the city centre of Granada there is a shuttle bus which departs from the airport about 30mins after each flight lands at the airport for 3 euros which is reasonable. It takes approximately 30 mins to reach the centre (traffic permitting)

Our Hotel Arroyo (more like a hostel) was near the Gran via de colon. For 30 euros per person we had a twin room ensuite which is comfortable for our trip and catered for our basic needs. We were greeted to our hotel with the cutest spanish guy but couldn't speak english nevertheless smiling as always and replying with "Si... Si"..

The hotel advertised a flamenco dance show at the Sacromonte caves which we were interested to go and see as part of our Saturday night entertainment. These flamenco shows are not widely advertised along the streets of Granada but exclusively handled by the hotels and hostels around Granada. Our flamenco night included a tour around the Albayzin quarter, view of Alhambra palace from Mirador St Nicholas point. The area is known to be the old Muslim quarter and gypsy area where the flamenco shows flourished. The show lasted for about an hour which was entertaining especially the footwork which is the Spanish version of tapdancing!

The next day we dedicated the whole day to visit the Alhambra palace. Alhambra palace is one of the last remnant building of the Arab occupation which was at its strongest during the Ottoman Empire. I have seen pictures of Alhambra in books and internet but nothing could compare to seeing the place up close. It is a huge compound divided into three categories: a) The Nasrid Palace b) The Alcazaba c) The Generalife The Alhambra Palace had been awarded the UNESCO World Heritage site so there is a limit to the number of people allowed in the Nasrid Palace at any one time. Our time slot was 2.30pm so we had the whole morning to explore the outside area of Alhambra palace. We did a bit of souvenir shopping purchasing the mosaic-type craftwork which Granada is famous for. If you do intend to visit the palace, I would recommend bringing your own mineral water and food because there are not any cafes around. There are a couple of hotel restaurants in the vicinity of the palace but these tend to be overpriced. By the time the afternoon came we were geared up to explore the inside of the Alhambra palaces.

In Europe, I have visited a few palaces and castles e.g. the Versailles palace, Buckingham Palace, Vatican (does this count as a palace?apologies if it is not), Edinburgh Castle. In my opinion, nothing compared to the intricacy of the design and the artwork designs displayed all around the walls, ceilings, doors, arches of Alhambra. In compliance with Islam the majority of the artwork did not have sculptures of people or animals and yet it still had elegance and beauty ..even more so in fact. The Generalife gardens were filled with wonderful roses and wysteria with a variety of different colours and decorated along wonderful water fountains adorned along the pathways of the gardens. The Alcazaba was the least prettiest building out of Alhambra but it wasn't built with the intention of looking pretty but a fortress in order to keep a lookout for any unwanted visitors. I think it took us about five hours to cover the whole area but it was definitely worth it. It has to be one of the greatest sites I have been privileged to see in my lifetime.

The next day was souvenir shopping day before heading back to London. One thing I noticed was that some of the souvenir shops owners were actually local Granada people unlike the souvenir shops in Barcelona. It was pleasant for once to talk with the shop-owners rather than being hounded to buy the souvenirs. For people who have travelled with me, they will know that I am not a collector of any particular souvenirs but I will buy stuff which I think represents what each country I visit represent and will remind me of my visit from each place. In Granada, there are just so many different craft work on offer and also the mosaic designs inspired by Alhambra were items which attracted me. I'm not a shopa-aholic but I loved the mosaic designs and wanted to buy items for family and friends which can bring a little of Granada with me and hopefully get people to visit this wonderful place. I have yet to visit the other parts of Andalucian region like Seville, Malaga and Cordoba... I guess this will have to be for another trip... Until then ...Adios! :)

Everyone has a role

Recently in the news, we've had election fever from America with the Obama vs Clinton campaign, from UK with the local elections mayoral campaign and closer to home the shocking results with the recent elections in Malaysia. It seems all these campaigns have a common theme: people want change.

So do we just vote for change because we are bored/unhappy of the current administration or are we voting with the opposition because we actually believe the opposition are really offering a better future?

I am not here to preach: everyone is entitled to their own opinion and have their own reasons for voting the people they decide to vote.

Last week, I attended a talk by Tun Mahathir Mohamad. No matter what people's opinions are of his policies and actions during his 22 yr old reign as Malaysian's prime minister:I think he is still one of the most influential and well respected people we should be proud of with the level of change he helped to form in what is Malaysia today.

The topic was on the Roles and Challenges of Youth for 2020. His main message from the talk was in order for our country to progress we need to ensure we have a clean government. It was inevitable there would be politically sensitive issues voiced by many people but the ex-PM handled the questions very well and took it in his stride. Policies which are aimed at improving the wellbeing of those less fortunate cannot be improved if it is abused. Rather than the policies being wrong it is often the implementation of these policies which are at fault.
His message to the youth today was take action in what you think is morally right no matter what your political views are. If we all do not act and play our role:Malaysia will have a bleak future.

I think the recent elections in Malaysia has indicated that Malaysian people are unhappy with the current administration. Malaysians should have the right to voice out these opinions and it appears that the majority have voiced out their dissatisfaction. We hope that this is the step in the right direction for a much fairer government.

So watch this space.........

Paris Je t'aime

I came into the office with that common TGIF feeling. As I was having my Pret egg & salmon breakfast baguette, Ezro called:

Ezro: "Wati, kat office ke? ?"
Me: "A'ah baru je masuk office..wassup?"
Ezro: " U ade plan ke this weekend?"
Me:"Ermmm...takde plan lagi..nak buat a bit of studying je kot...kenapa?"
Ezro: " Nak gi Paris tak with my wife? Manager I ade empat spare tiket naik Eurostar "
Me: " Iye ke??!! Bila? "
Ezro: " Hehe...tomorrow then come back on Sunday night"
Me: "Wow ...ye ke...hmmm....boleh gak... I've always wanted to go to Paris on the Eurostar..."
Ezro: "Ok settled...will talk later to sort out details..."

And that is how I went for an impromptu last minute visit to Paris for the weekend...

We left in the morning from Kings X St Pancras, London and arrived in Gare du Nord central Paris within 2 hrs. It is surreal to think that within a two hour train journey one could be in a different culture and different country. This is the beauty of living in Europe. After checking in our bags in the hotel we were famished for some foood...

The KFC Story

We heard that Paris is one of the few places in Europe which has halal KFC. Everytime i go back home..one of the first few meals I will have (after Mama's cooking which includes kangkung masak sambal belacan...yummy!) would be KFC chicken with the mash potato & gravy and coleslaw...
Kalau pergi airport , before I fly off we will always be sitting at KFC and have our last goodbye chat eating KFC.
So when I heard there was a halal KFC in Paris...I couldn't wait to go. Eiffel Tower and the Louvre can wait for a few more hours...hehe

We managed to locate this famous KFC and ordered our spicy chicken family bucket. As we started to tuck into our food we could hear people shouting. We thought there might have been a crazy person at the counter..a couple of tourists sitting beside us asked us what was going on. We shrugged our shoulders and said we didn't know either and just carried on eating.
A few seconds later everyone from inside KFC ran outside and we saw the police raiding inside the KFC restaurant. Momentarily, I though s**t! Another terrorist attack ke..
We all started running outside and headed out into the square where moments later the police had closed off the whole restaurant. Since my french is very basic...I couldn't understand what was going on even if I had asked the police officers..so we just stood outside and watched the police close off the whole area. We were all grateful that everyone was safe and sound but the sad thing was we could see our KFC family bucket being eaten by the birds outside....*sob sob*
We decided to head to Pizza Hut to drown our sorrows.......Onwards and upwards kan....
Later on that night we decided that we would head back to KFC for round 2 of the KFC family bucket....We thought that we were entitled to some compensation for our loss earlier in the afternoon and so the guys tried to get a free family bucket but it was to no avail. "No receipt, no free refund" ..Well at least we tried...anyways we brought the KFC family bucket safely back to the hotel. It was the best ever KFC I've had in a long time... "finger lickin good"!



Paris is a beautiful city....you can travel either using the metro carnet tickets or if you are clever you can get a youth travelcard with passport photos and you will be entitled to a one day travelcard for only EUR 3,20.

My favourite parts of Paris would be:

1. Walking along the River Seine with cherry blossoms showing signs of spring is a wonderful sight I will never forget..

2. The Eiffel Tower at night is absolutely stunning in the way it just glistens ..the view from afar is just breathtaking
3.The Louvre is grand in every sense of the word from the sheer size of the place and the museum in itself. I've never been to the Louvre before this so the only picture I had in my mind of the Louvre was the glass pyramid. When I actually arrived, I was stunned the Louvre is soo much more and in my opinion the pyramid seems out of place with the rest of the grand Louvre. I would love to visit Paris again for a Louvre trip in order to appreciate the wonders it has to offer inside.
4.The walk from Louvres to Jardin des Tuilleuries leading to Champs Elysees. This represented another side of Paris, the LV HQ which was massive...Kak Nor and Kak Oleen jangan jealous yah... :P next time we can go there together.

4. The crepes...i think the best one was actually the one we got at the Gare du nord on the way back to catch the Eurostar...crepes with nutella chocolat....simple is always the best.. C'est bon!

It was a short relaxing weekend trip which is what I needed before going 'underground' in the next few weeks...

A sad tragedy…….

Sufiah Yusof is a sad story about a Malaysian girl who had a gift that made her a Maths genius and was accepted at Oxford University at a young age of 13. You would think with the extraordinary gift she would have grown up to do many wonderful things.

Instead, we hear of a sad tragedy of a daughter who was unhappy and parents who might have pushed her too far up to the point she has been claimed of calling home “hell and vowed never to return back with her parents”.

It was thought Sufiah would finally get her happy ending in 2004 when she married a trainee lawyer Jonathan Marshall but unfortunately this was short-lived since they divorced thirteen months later.

Recently, her father has been jailed for eighteen months at Coventry Court after being found guilty for sexually assaulting two girls whom he taught in his home tutoring classes.

The sad story of this family continued when it was found Sufiah had resorted to the oldest profession in the book –prostitution and advertised herself on her website as a sex escort.

So where did it all go wrong?? This girl had a troubled childhood and parents who appear to have never listened to what Sufiah wanted. This had resulted in her rebelling against everything the parents wished for. There have been several times where she had cried out for attention and help e.g. when she ran away to Bournemouth to become a waitress in an internet cafe.

There have been reports that due to the recent incident the Prime Minister’s department and Malaysian Missionary Foundation (YADIM) are trying to provide help in a campaign called “Save Sufiah Programme”. I wonder whether this is a worthwhile campaign.

Firstly, her parents are permanently residing in UK and when her mom was asked to comment on her daughter’s recent activity her comment was "I didn't know anything about that. I am not in touch with Sufiah any more. I have got no comment."

I do sympathise with Sufiah’s situation but until she realises herself she needs help these campaign programmes will be useless to her. I do hope she will be able to get help but she needs to do this at her own accord.

In my own humble opinion, instead of the government spending time and effort saving this girl maybe it is worth thinking about the numerous other less fortunate girls who have no education and have to resort to the sex trade to earn a living in order to survive. It would be a more worthwhile cause if the government would spend more time tackling the root causes of troubled teenagers rather than focusing on this one person.

I hope Sufiah finds happiness in this life and the hereafter but I wish that the government could be as concerned about the numerous other teenagers as they are with this one girl....

Sound of Music

Sound of Music has been my all time fav musicals- It is one of the few musicals I can watch again and again and never get bored of it. When Sound of Music came to the West End : it has been one of my wish lists of must-see musicals.

It has a feel good storyline, romance, cute kids, set in a beautiful location and most of all...great music! What's there NOT to like about the musical.

Initially, I was not sure whether the West end musical could ever meet the Sound of Music movie starring Julie Andrews. However, I was fortunately proved wrong. Summer (some of you might recognise her from Hollyoaks) played the part of Maria. She played the character well in her own right and was the star of the show. The Von trapp kids were adorable but I couldn't help comparing it with the kids in the movie.

The scene which I will remember most from the musical would be when the Von Trapp family had to perform their song in the competition. I have never been in a theatre where the stage had red Swastika flags hanging off from the balcony and the side stage. There were also actors dressed up as Nazi soldiers patrolling the stage. It was scary to experience what it might have been like to live in Nazi occupation.

Despite that, this movie is still a feel-good musical. It is a must-see musical: I was humming to all of the songs throughout the musical especially the old time favs: "My favourite things", "Climb every Mountain" and the "Hills are Alive".

Watch it before it is too late!

Linkin Park ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

This week, I realised one of my life long wish-to attend one of THE greatest rock bands of my generation.



I started listening to Linkin Park in my late teens and Linkin Park's first album -Hybrid Theory was one of the albums which was played full blast throughout the whole summer when I first got my first car in KL after graduation! :p


Linkin Park's earlier albums-Hybrid Theory and Meteora had a lot of anger and frustration in its songs and lyrics which was many teenager's life anthem at the time. You can relate this to songs like Numb, Easier to Run, Crawling, Points of Authority...


The most recent album Minutes to Midnight is awesome! It is more mellow- a display of maturity from the band members but without compromising the great music they produce.
The songs which stand out for me are What I've Done, Bleed it out, In Between, the Little Things give you away. It is more politically conscious and it is refreshing to see bands who are globally aware in what is happening to our world today and reflect this in the music they play reaching a greater audience.



The O2 arena has been THE place in London to stage concerts and Linkin Park is no exception. We got the standing area and I was a bit apprehensive there would be a lot of teenagers bashing into each other which I experienced at the LostProphets concert which wasn't pleasant.
Luckily, the Linkin Park concert didn't have the crazy teenage bashing. Most people were there to enjoy the music and althought there was a lot of jumping and singing (myself included!) it was an enjoyable experience!



Chester and Mike belted out a mix of the new songs from the recent album with the old classic songs from their previous albums. I also got to see my old teenage crush Joe Hahn on stage DJ-ing his beats and sounds on stage-he's still looking and sounding good! :P
The stage also displayed the animation videos which the band are known for-it's a work of modern art :)



Towards the end , Linkin Park did two encore appearances....everyone took out the mobile videophones and cameras and sang along to One Step Closer and In the End in unison.



An amazing experience which I will never forget.....Below is a video clip-snippets of some of the great songs that were played that night. I apologize in advance for the blurriness of the video-I was jumping up and down with the crowd and the music.

Thoughts....

Ever since I was born, I have led what could be associated as a nomadic lifestyle following my dad around. Making new friends and travelling all around the world may seem exciting to some people but it isn’t as glamorous as it seems.

I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy the travelling and meeting new people but I found it difficult to discover who I was and what I stood for. Maybe everyone went through a similar thing. Some researchers have said that we only really discover and be comfortable who we are when we reach our 30s & 40s…hmmm that would mean I’m still learning and have a LONG way to go.

As a little girl growing up in a foreign country, living abroad and being different from everyone else was difficult. Throughout most of my childhood years abroad, I was the only Malaysian girl in my class. Trying to fit in with people similar to my age and maintaining my culture and values was difficult. It wasn’t easy combining Western culture and Eastern culture together. Some things I did better than others.

Moving from place to place made it harder for me to fully trust people other than my family. It was difficult getting close to people when I know that I might be moving to another school in another town or country.

Studying in London for university enabled me to develop more of my Malaysian identity by meeting friends who I know some of them will be friends for life. It was hard at first to fit in being the Malaysian who lived abroad-people sometimes can be judgmental and have a stigma of ‘budak melayu duduk overseas’.
But that’s when you discover who your real friends are and meet people who can just accept you for who you are.
I wasn’t perfect and probably will never be but I still try to do the best I can and try to keep to the values which I think are important.

Working in London has meant seeing people come and go… and it is still difficult for me to trust and get close to people because I know that by the time I get close it will be time for them to leave.

2008 may be the year where big decisions will be made and maybe I can finally feel settled, be happy and not have to move around anymore. Insya-allah….

When you fall, pick yourself up again....

A sweet colleague of mine recommended I watch this on youtube...and although I'm not a Rocky fan watching this clip gave me a boost up.....



So for those of you who need a bit of a push..watch the link below.

Road to nowhere?

Music is my escapism......

"No Roads Left"-Linkin Park

Standing alone with no direction
How did I fall so far behind?
Why Am I searching for perfection?
Knowing it's something I won't find

In my fear and flaws
I let myself down again
All because


I run
Till the silence splits me open
I run
Till it puts me underground
Till I have no breath
And no roads left but one

When did I lose my sense of purpose?
Can I regain what's lost inside?
Why do I feel like I deserve this?
Why does my pain look like my pride?

In my fear and flaws
I let myself down again
All because
I let myself down
In my fear and flaws

I run
Till the silence splits me open
I run
Till it puts me underground
Till I have no breath
And no roads left but one
No roads left but one

In my fear and flaws
I let myself down again
All because

I run
And the silence splits me open
I run
And it puts me underground
But there's no regret
And no roads left to run

Bring on 2008

I haven’t been updating this blog since I’ve been trying to sort out a few things in my life recently.

Have you ever had the feeling where you feel down but trying so hard to be positive in life and coming up with the next life time plan? I guess that’s when our faith is tested the most.

When I was younger I had a lifetime plan of where I would like to be but things do not often happen the way you want it to be so I have to constantly revise the plan. The One above may have another path set out for me….we can only plan what is best for us but it is He who decides….

During the New Year period, instead of looking forward to the partying like when I was younger I find myself in a more reflective mood these days. It may appear like I’m a right old grumpy woman! Aaaarghhhh...that’s not who I want to be…..

A holiday break is always a good time to relax the mind and take our minds off things ….

I went on my first hiking trip with London peeps…if I was to be honest I didn’t think I would reach the top with the rest of the group. But we all plodded on and it was an achievement in itself to reach the top. It was another thing going down the mountain which was the scariest part for me out of the whole trip….at one point I thought I was going to fall off the mountain. In the end, I was thankful to be able to walk on flat ground once more. I would say it was a character building trip where you find out more about people and things about yourself and surprise yourself at times in what you can achieve. An adventure trip which I may like to do again but I will need to prepare myself both mentally and physically for the next one if I ever go again.

After a day recovering (with still some aches and pains from the previous trip!) went for a chill out break to Belgium and Luxembourg for a few days. It was a more relaxing trip compared to the adventure trip a few days back…different but still as interesting.
My last trip to Belgium in ’99 with Suz and Giac was more about spending time with Umberto, his sis, Giac and his friends. This time, the trip was more about looking at the tourist sites I missed last time. Thanks to Chip’s GPS (my map reading skills isn’t exactly the best), I think we managed to cover pretty much most of the sites since the places weren’t that big.

We also visited Luxembourg which is one of the smallest countries in the world. I think the country is basically built up around a fort on a hill. A small country but has a certain “Je ne sais quoi” feeling about it. As we were walking near the casements area there was a mystical feel about the place as there weren’t many people around. It was like going back in time where I tried to imagine what people during those times would have had to live in that type of environment. Maybe my imagination was trying to get the better of me! :P

New Year’s Eve was low key this year watching the London Eye fireworks on Primrose Hill. So have I set myself any resolutions? Well, all I wish for everyone is to be happy with themselves and be grateful for what you have.

“A relaxed mind, a peaceful soul, a joyful spirit, a healthy body and heart full of love” –that’s all we can wish for everyone!

So here’s wishing you a Happy New Year for 2008!

Dream Catch Me-Newton Faulkner

I absolutely adore this song...........

Ketch-up week

‘Ketch-up week’ with my peeps….

Mon-Chill out day at the office catching up on all my admin stuff after being away from the office for a fortnight...

Tues : I met up with my old uni friends for a get together since Izad and Wendy came to visit London. We went to Fire and Stone Pizza restaurant. I tried booking it online but my office had blocked me from booking things on my credit card on Toptable. Unfortunately this meant I couldn’t earn points on my Toptable account.

Handy tip: the more you book on Toptable and rate the restaurant the more points you get. The more points you get, the higher the chance you and your lucky frens can get a free meal in a nice restaurant around London. So take advantage of Toptable people!

It was fun catching up with the old uni people…we all have moved onto different things in our lives…but we all agreed that the longer we stayed in London the longer we stay in this ‘time bubble’ where things seem to just stay as they are whilst if we go back home: there is more urgency to move on with one’s life i.e. pressure from family, relatives, friends etc…….
Eventually, one reaches a point in one’s life where one does feel like settling down and I guess the older we get the stronger that feeling becomes more apparent.

Wed : Had our last Year group meeting with the ‘original gang’ organised by our year group manager Laura who is leaving to travel round South East Asia before going to work in Sydney…. (lucky gal!) It was more of a get together with our year group rather than a meeting itself. Since most of us have done our three year practical training we’re all at the crossroads of our career in deciding what or where we would like to be in the next few years. There’s a possibility of secondments to Australia…perhaps that is an option.. I’m not too sure at the moment.

Thurs : Met up with Len & Marigold at Awana restaurant for a catch-up dinner before the Christmas holidays. A trip to Awana will not be complete without ordering the mixed satay and the lamb ribs…lovely! It was lovely to meet up with Len and Marigold who are the sweetest couple even at their old age. I hope I get to experience the same feeling when I’m at their age.

Fri : Went over to Fazly’s house for American Gangster movie night. Any movie with Denzel Washington will always be a good movie- he’s a fab actor. The movie was Godfather-like which was fine but one negative point about it was the movie was a tad bit long. Kak Rahayu came over to stay and we stayed up late chatting and didn’t get to sleep until 2/3 am in the morning. This did not do too well for our beauty sleep for the next day. :p

Sat : In the morning, we planned to go to Portsmouth for my first shopping trip at Gunwharf Quays. To my shock & horror, as soon as I went to get my car in the morning, the passenger window was smashed and there were glass everywhere.

I can only presume it was vandals who had decided it was fun to smash an innocent mini car….damn vandals!

Luckily I had Chip and Kak Rahayu with me…I don’t think I would have coped very well in that situation on my own. Oblivious to the necessary procedures, I called up my insurance provider and arranged for Autoglass people to come by to fit the new glass onto my car on the spot.

It was a horrible feeling seeing my car in that state. I have now complained to the Council about the vandalism that has occurred in my street. It’s now been the third time where my car has been vandalised and it’s not fair why our cars are vandalised because of a few drunken yobs that have nothing else better to do in the middle of the night!

We still managed to get into Portsmouth by the early afternoon and I finally found my dress for the xmas party and shoes …yeay! (Courtesy of my vouchers) I tried to spend the day in a positive mood but I couldn’t help trying to get over what had happened in the morning.

Portsmouth is a lovely place….and I would’ve liked to spend time taking more pics around the harbour especially near the tower which looked so pretty in pink at night… but we had more important stuff to do…like shopping! All in all, apart from the event in the morning it was a good day out.

Sun: Had that Sunday feeling where I woke up late and I just wanted to lie in and sleep especially when I looked outside and it was pouring down with heavy rain. It was the perfect day to snuggle in bed with good dvds and a nice hot chocolate :)

And then Monday comes along……….the season of partying begins…

HM The Queen visits the St Bride's House-front door of my office!

Snapshot of the Queen passing the walkway in front of my office :) she's so lovely!

Queen comes to Horwath-my office!

Yesterday everyone in the office got an email from our Chief Exec that the Queen and her husband the Duke of Edinburgh will be attending St Bride's church for a service. Since the church is beside our office we were invited to show support for the Queen by greeting her at the entrance walkway after her service.

Throughout the day everyone acted cool as if they weren't that bothered the Queen was coming but when it came to 3pm everyone started looking outside the window to se if the Queen had arrived.

I brought my camera to capture this rare moment because it isn't everyday you get to see the Queen in person right? So everyone who was in the office went down to greet her...and she looked lovely in her cute blue dress suit and hat. The Queen being "the Queen" has a certain air of elegance about her.....

She was so lovely :)

Post exam blues........

It's been two weeks now since I came out of my hibernation mode after 12 weeks of going underground for the exam. I hate the waiting game now because there is nothing I can do about the result now. I tried the best I could but I don't know whether my 'best' was good enough in this last round.
The reality of it all is that the next stage in my life will be decided by the end of this year...

I've tried to keep myself busy to take my mind off things and the highlights so far have been:

a) Chris and I attending our post exam celebration by going to the theatre. We went to see "39 Steps" courtesy of lastminute.com 10gbp offer- an old Alfred Hitchcock movie turned into a comedy play. Entertaining and funny with its subtleties and wit which you can only find in British humour but it was nothing compared to the creepy and at times scary "Woman in Black" we attended last time.

b) Shisha chill out session and watching the fireworks at Omar's flat in Canary Wharf...we might try to gatecrash his place to watch the fireworks at the Millenium dome for New Year's eve nanti :p thanks yah dude!

c) Attending my first Korean film festival at the Barbican: ever since Kak Rahayu got me addicted to K-dramas she invited me to attend the festival where I watched my first Korean movie The King and the Clown in the cinema. One of the best foreign movies I've seen so far where there was a balance of love, comedy, action and sadness....Malay movies have a LONG way to go in order to reach this type of standard. It was refreshing to see that the Korean film festival attracted not just Koreans but other people from various nationalities with one common love for great movies.

d)Meem coming to London: it was fun to hang out with her again and reminisce about the good 'ol London days and going for our road trip to Blenheim Palace, shopping in Swindon, trips to Liverpool St market and not to mention our makan2 sessions at our fav hangout places...

In London , we're expecting a long cold winter which is a huge contrast to the mild weather we experienced last year. So for those in London : wrap yourselves warm with your woolies and make yourself a warm hot chocolate during those long winter nights!